She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
