Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
