Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
