So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
