Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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