i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's get the cat blown out
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The air taste purple.
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