Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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