you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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