home. puking in laundry basket.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
