actually, I'm a sock model
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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