final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
