Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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