Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
