sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
