but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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