MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
