i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
