I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize