Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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