I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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