I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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