We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
