I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
