you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
