I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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