Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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