the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
