She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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