Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
