He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
