Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
