At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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