Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
