come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize