New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
