Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
