Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
