38 yer olds are good kisserssss
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
