didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
