I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
