If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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