I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
