I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Boobs speak an international language.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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