So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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