Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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