my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
