the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
