alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
