I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
