Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
