We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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