Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
