Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
