used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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