I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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