I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
