Who did Billy Mays play for?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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