I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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