That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
