I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i think my cat just said my name.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
