Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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