I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
