i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
