There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
