why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
