DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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